There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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