I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
