Whod you bang
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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