You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
