and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
