She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
