he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
