After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
