did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize