So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
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