I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
false alarm, still single
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
