I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
