cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I checked into jail on foursquare
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
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