I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
