Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
