I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
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