I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Sext me about skeletons
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
