i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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