Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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