she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
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In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
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I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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