I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
