Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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