false alarm. still invincible.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
