All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
