hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
