Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
