every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
