I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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