I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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