I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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