I wanna passion pit in your ass
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
two words: eviction party
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
