Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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