do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
