this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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