Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
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