and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
