we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
