my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
