FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
