his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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