god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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