2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
