i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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