my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I party with great urgency now.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
