girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
