she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
