Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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