dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
