my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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