Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
