youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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