I will die if light touches me.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
