How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
