His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I love you. Go after that dick
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