I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
