Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
What drink are we having for lunch?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
