Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
