I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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