I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
