I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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