i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
