Yo dont text me then not text me
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
