this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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