Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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