I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
