Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
