Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
